We're Just Chemical Kids.this whole situation with me and davey is
really stressing me out. im not sleeping, and whenever i decide to eat, i just throw it up right after. i have this constant headache, and i have cold fevers and shakes, and i cry all the time now.
i NEVER used to cry, so i dont know whats up with me. i may just be too exhausted to fight to keep it inside. i dont know. i just keep telling people that im sick (which isnt exactly a lie), and that i should be better soon (which is definitely a right out lie). a friend of mine told me that being so young, we dont really know or understand what love is. those werent his exact words, but they were along those lines. well then why am i so sick about it? im sure that if this was just a crush or whatever my friend was implying, it wouldnt be this hard to get on with my life. but thats enough about that.
theres also this guy i know, who i just met a couple of months ago. well, i met him last year or in and around that time, but i really got to know him a couple of months ago. hes always been one of those people thats intrigued me. hes so funny, and hes cute, and hes crazy nice. we have a general similarity in our taste of music, and we LOVE coffee, he enjoys to read, and so do i. needless to say, we hit it off, and ive really grown to care about him. now, it doesnt help how easily i get attached to people, but i really care for him.
well, hes had an expansive past with drugs, and hes been recovering quite well, which obviously makes me like, madcrazy proud of him, because i know how hard it is. but last night, he took oxy. for those of you who dont know what oxy is, its a prescription drug. im just so lost with all of this. i mean, ive only really been his friend for in and around two months, so i shouldnt care as much as i do, but as soon as he told me that he did, the crushing feeling took over, and i just broke down into tears. HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?! like i said, im not one for crying, but fuck, i was a mess over this guy who i JUST met. im so shy, and pretty much inept with actually speaking to someone, so i just dont what to say to him. i dont know if i should just stay out of it, or say whats on my mind, or just ignore it? is it wrong to care this much? i just have so many questions, and no answers for any of them. the only way i could get answers is to ask him, but im too afraid to.
i wish i could help him in some way, but theres no way for me to help him with this. he loves drugs, a million times more than he could ever think to even like me, and i would NEVER force him to choose anyway, but that just means that no matter how many times i ask, or cry, or other things, he wont listen.
i think what im the most scared of is him actually delving into that stuff frequently again. ive only known him relatively clean. im not sure if hell change toward me, or just change in general. i mean, if he changes toward me, then okay, ill find a way to deal with that. if he doesnt want to talk to me anymore for one reason or another, i dont know what ill do, but ill probably be alright. im more worried about how his life will unfold. hes so smart and fucking FUNNY and sweet, i just dont want him to lose that. i want other people to meet him defined solely by HIMSELF, not defined by his addictions.
he makes me smile like crazy, and is truly a wonderful person. i just want to be able to say that again in a years time, and mean it as much as i do now.
well, theres my latest short story of slightly emo drama. if you have ANY advice at all, feel free to give it. i need some help with this, because i dont know if i can do this by myself.
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Oh I watch you there through the window and I stare at you. You wear nothing but you wear it so well, tied up and twisted the way I like to be.
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Oh I watch you there through the window and I stare at you. You wear nothing but you wear it so well, tied up and twisted the way I like to be.
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Oh I watch you there through the window and I stare at you. You wear nothing but you wear it so well, tied up and twisted the way I like to be.
i miss you too!
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Oh I watch you there through the window and I stare at you. You wear nothing but you wear it so well, tied up and twisted the way I like to be.
(random comment)
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Equal rights for all people.
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